


One Summer Night, a Conversation

by mean_whale



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, First War with Voldemort, Gen, Insecurity, Marauders, Past Violence, Sad Ending, Smoking, Suspicions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:28:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25938169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mean_whale/pseuds/mean_whale
Summary: Remus overhears a conversation he was never supposed to hear.
Relationships: implied Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 13
Kudos: 53





	One Summer Night, a Conversation

Remus sighed and placed his half-full glass onto the coffee table. He stretched his arms before standing up from the sofa.

“I’m going out for a fag,” he said, then turned to look at Sirius questioningly. “Padfoot?”

“Nah, I’m good,” Sirius said, raising his glass. “Later.”

“Alright,” Remus said. “I’ll be right back, then.”

“We already miss you, Moony!” James called after him, making kissy faces, bursting to laughter when Remus flipped him off.

Remus shook his head but there was a smile on his face as he made his way out of the living room, already pulling out his pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his jeans. He put on his shoes and quietly shut the door to the Potters’ residence behind himself. He lit his cigarette and breathed in deeply.

It was a beautiful summer night, the sun having recently set and the warmth still lingering in the air but the cool edge of night already setting in. Remus felt uneasy, standing there by the front door so easily visible to the road. It was probably not a good idea for him to be standing there all alone, such an easy target for any stray Death Eaters who might happen to walk by. The likelihood of that happening was small, as the Potters currently lived at the edge of a small village, but the thought wouldn’t leave Remus.

Slowly and quietly, Remus made his way around the house to the back garden. He settled against the wall. His heart was beating too fast.

Remus would have thought that after all the missions he’d been on, after all the death and destruction he had already seen, it would have gotten easier. It hadn’t. Being alone was still just as frightening, as was the feeling of vulnerability because he only had one pair of eyes, he had no one covering for him in case someone decided that he looked too Muggle to be a wizard. Or, at this point, it was very likely that some of the Death Eaters recognised him as a member of the Order.

He thought about his upcoming mission. Dumbledore wanted him to make contact with a pack of werewolves living somewhere in Wales. He would be gone for a long time, first tracking down the pack and then gaining their trust. How many moons would it take before he could trail off just for a day or two to visit his friends? How many more before he could return for good?

He thought about the last time he’d been sent to make friendly with a pack. They had been untrusting right from the beginning but had tolerated him. They didn’t like the smell of magic on him, they had said. Remus had felt like he wasn’t getting anywhere with them. Judging by the scars he had accumulated during his stay there, the full moons were savage; the other wolves had been making sure he knew his place, but his wolf hadn’t kept out of the way.

After three solid months with the pack, Remus had wandered off and Apparated to Dumbledore to ask for further instructions. He had paid a quick visit to the flat he shared with Sirius, but Sirius had been gone and had only arrived an hour before Remus had to leave again.

When Remus had returned to the pack, four of the bigger pack members had beaten him up just because. Maybe Apparition left a stronger stench of magic on him. Maybe they were unhappy with his sudden disappearance, even though he had been gone for mere hours. Maybe they were just bored and looking to let out some steam. It didn’t matter.

Remus had crawled out of there, slowly, careful not to jostle any part of himself too much. No one had followed him.

Small mercies.

It had been just over six months since his return from that mission, but it still made his skin crawl.

What if the pack in Wales was similar?

What if it was the same pack?

Remus found his hands shaking, so he lit another cigarette. He blew out the smoke, then heard a noise.

Remus’ heart was hammering in his chest as he looked around, feverishly grasping his wand in his hand, when he realised that the noises were coming from the open window. He recognised James and Sirius’ voices, then Peter.

“I don’t want Lily to know,” James was saying.

“It’s just extra stress on her,” Sirius said.

“She’s too fond of Remus to think objectively,” Peter said.

Remus frowned. It was quiet.

“Do you really think so?” James then asked. “I mean… We know him. He’s our Moony.”

“We’ve all seen how he acts these days,” Peter said.

“Prongs, I’m telling you,” Sirius said, voice low and quiet, “there’s something odd going on with him. He’s been acting really strange for quite a while now.”

“That doesn’t mean that he’s switched sides,” James hissed.

They were standing awfully close to the window, and Remus absentmindedly wondered how they hadn’t smelled the cigarette smoke.

“What else would explain it all?” Sirius asked.

“I don’t know,” James said, and he sounded somewhat desperate.

“I’ve been watching him closely,” Sirius said, and Remus realised that it was true; Sirius had been watching him, although he had done it expertly, making it seem that he was just being a good friend, maybe even flirting with the idea of something more than friendship. “He’s changed.”

“I know that,” James snapped. “I know that, but it’s… It could be something else. We’ve all changed, I’m sure.”

“But not like him,” Sirius said. “Think about it, James. What else would explain everything?”

“It could be someone else,” James said, but sounded faltering.

“Who?” Peter asked. “No one else makes sense.”

It went quiet for a moment.

“Well, Sirius’ family–” James’ words were cut out by a loud thud.

“Don’t you fucking say that,” Sirius hissed, and it was the first time during the conversation that he sounded upset.

“Fine,” James said, voice snappy. “Yes, I know, you hate your family. Also you would make a piss-poor spy.”

Sirius grunted, and it went quiet again. Remus took a drag of his cigarette before it went out completely. He felt numb, his hand was perfectly stable, his heart had calmed down, the smoke was bitter against his tongue.

“I don’t like this,” James said, and he sounded tired. “I don’t… He’s still Remus. He’s Moony.”

“But he’s working against us, now,” Peter said quietly.

“Why would he?” James asked.

“We know why,” Sirius said, and his voice wasn’t much louder than a whisper.

 _Why?_ Remus wanted to ask. _Why would I?_

It was silent for a long time, and Remus wondered if the conversation was over. Maybe they had finally smelled the cigarette smoke. Maybe he had accidentally asked his questions out loud.

Then, quietly, Sirius said, “I know none of us want to say it, but I think we need to.”

No one said anything. Remus dropped the cigarette butt to the ground and crushed it with his heel. He thought of lighting a third one, but the others might notice.

“It’s quite obvious,” Sirius said, still quietly, almost regretfully, “that Remus has been doing something with werewolves. Why else would Dumbledore keep him so close? Why else would his missions span months, when none of ours do?”

“Padfoot,” James said weakly, but then said nothing else.

“It’s,” Sirius said, then seemed to search for the right words for a moment. “He’s spent months among werewolves who were probably already Death Eaters. He’s spent months listening to that rhetoric.”

“But Moony’s too smart to fall for that,” James whispered.

“We each have our weaknesses,” Sirius said, and there was an emotion in his voice that Remus couldn’t quite place. “His weakness is feeling like he doesn’t belong. Maybe being among other werewolves was a good experience. Maybe he could be more openly himself. Maybe the promises of having that in the future wore him down.”

Remus shivered. The air was starting to cool down.

“I don’t like it,” James said, still quietly. “He’s still our Moony.”

There was a long silence.

“But,” James said then, “I need to think about the safety of my family.”

“Harry needs you to stay objective,” Peter added, also quietly.

“How do we move forward?” James asked. “We can’t tell him.”

“No, we can’t,” Sirius said. “We’ll have to keep pretending that we don’t know. Just go on like nothing happened, but I keep watching him.”

“I guess I should maybe pull away a bit,” James said. “Try to talk Lily into contacting him less often. I’ll think of something.”

“You can’t be too obvious about it, though,” Peter said. “He can’t notice what’s happening.”

James sighed – or at least Remus was pretty sure it was James.

“I’ll just tell him something,” James said, now sounding awfully tired. “Something about the stress and all. He’ll understand.”

“He’ll probably try to keep prying, though,” Sirius said.

Remus didn’t hear what James’ response to that was; he had already turned the corner before he had quite realised that he was moving. He stopped at the front door. He thought about his friends sitting in the living room when he went back in, turning their smiling faces at him. Could he even tell that the smiles were fake? He hadn’t known this far. But now he would know to look for it.

He thought about Lily, who was probably checking on Harry while the others conversed in the kitchen in hushed voices. Did Lily feel the same?

Their reasoning was logical. Of course, Remus was the spy. Obviously, he was the outcast werewolf who feared rejection. It made sense. Lily might have come to the same conclusion. She probably had.

Remus thought about walking in and taking off his shoes and hearing the others hurry back to their places in the living room. He thought about Sirius’ eyes following his every move after they went home. He thought about Sirius smiling deviously and asking him if his bed didn’t feel too cold at night.

He should have known something was off the moment Sirius had started flirting with him. Sirius wasn’t gay. And even if he was, he would never choose someone like Remus. Sirius was beautiful. Remus was plain and scarred.

He could talk to Lily. He could tell her what he had overheard, and maybe she would talk some sense into his friends.

Or maybe she would see how much sense it made. Maybe she had overheard the conversation herself. She would trust the three of them over the one of him. The werewolf.

Remus turned around. He lit a third cigarette. He walked down to the road, then turned left, towards the very edges of the village, towards the vast nothingness that surrounded it. It was quickly getting darker.

He vanished the cigarette butt before Apparating to the flat he had been sharing with Sirius.

He felt like he was dreaming. He was moving without having to think about it, his hands gathering clothes, his wand making the right motions, until there was nothing of his left except for the photos that Sirius had put up on the mantel. Sirius would probably take them down when he returned and saw that Remus was no longer there.

Remus looked around. The flat had been his home for the past three years. He no longer had a home there. The only place he could still call home was his childhood home. He could stay with his father until he figured out what to do.

Well, he was going on a long mission anyway. He’d have to figure things out once that was over.

So, freshly friendless, Remus Lupin turned on his heel and Disapparated.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this when I was supposed to be working on something completely different, but this idea has been pestering me for a couple of months now.
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mean_whale) \- [my writing list](https://mean-whale.dreamwidth.org/557.html)


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